A NEW AGE MAN

By: Nick Snelling

Of course, most of my time is dedicated to the happiness and well being of my wife. Indeed, hardly a moment goes by when I am not making a determined attempt to ease her burdensome chores around Casa Desolada. It is no less than you would expect, given that we are a family of four with a dog, two cats and a decaying home of some size..

In fact, no one appreciates more than me the amount of work required to ensure the harmonious functioning of our home, nor treats his wife with more sympathy and understanding. Barely a minute goes by when I am not thinking about her or making helpful suggestions. Only yesterday, I drew her attention to the size of the ironing pile and, the day before, that the grout in the en-suite shower needed bleaching and there were leaves piling up in the drive. It is this very attention to detail that shows how conscientious I am about our household.

But my efforts as a New Age man are not just restricted to helpful comments. Not at all. It is, after all, actions that count. For example, last week my attention was drawn to my wife struggling, rather ill temperedly, to mend our hoover. Did I continue to sit on the sofa watching the motor racing like so many old-fashioned men? Not at all! The moment the adverts came on, I rushed immediately to my tool shed to find the right screwdriver so that she could dismantle the motor without further difficulty.

Later the same day, I found my wife with her hand up to her armpit down the soil pipe to the cesspit. Clearly, there was a severe blockage of some sort, which occurs periodically, or so I gather. In no time at all, I could see that she needed help and, being sensitive to these things, I reacted quickly to fetch her a kneeling pad. I can only imagine how uncomfortable she was and how much worse things would have been had I not been around. As it was, she was lucky that I happened to be passing, whilst on my way out to the village to meet some friends.

If pressed, I could go on an on about what I do - but this would be immodest and probably cause severe embarrassment to my less helpful male friends. To them, my self-sacrifice is extraordinary and something that has not been useful. Indeed, I fear that my example has, quite rightly, shown them up as antediluvian chauvinists lacking any respect or understanding for the gentle needs of the fairer sex.

Only the other day, I overheard a conversation between two of my friend’s wives, which clearly shows the esteem in which I am held. I had popped into the village for some beers and decided to take the opportunity to have a refreshing drink at the same time. This was more than justified, as I had been forced to walk into the village whilst my wife was washing the car.

“That Nick,” I heard Maite say, above the noise of the bar. “I’ve never known anything like it...”

“He’s a one,” said Wendy, “He does absolutely...”

The noise in the bar suddenly increased as a group of Valencians entered.

“...thing to help his wife.”

“Incredible. I have never known someone so...”

The coffee machine opposite me gave a terrific blast of noise and steam started to rise to the ceiling. ‘Helpful’, I suspect, was what I missed.

“…around the house. It’s simply amazing! I just don’t know how he does it.”

Suddenly catching Wendy’s eye, I smiled and raised my drink to her. Perhaps thinking about her own husband, she understandably grimaced - actually barely acknowledging me. I suppose she must be envious of my wife and steadying herself to speak to my friend, poor fellow. But I have no doubt her harsh words will be justified.

By contrast, my wife is nothing, if not appreciative. Many times she says: ‘It’s okay, just relax, it’s not as if I need any help’, whenever I take a few minutes to settle down for a doze in my favourite armchair. It’s a shame that her concern also extends to the marital bed, which she now rarely lets me share. But, in fairness to her, I suspect she can see how tired I am after the day’s exertions...

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Copyright Nick Snelling, author of ‘Taking The Heat: An Expat Under Pressure In Spain’ available from www.nativespain.com, Amazon and all good book stores. For further information or articles see: www.nativespain.com

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