From Career Woman to Step Mother

By: Sheena Berg

Today, countless women have broken through the glass ceiling in their business lives. Climbing the ladder is not easy; it's the result of significant years of hard work, sincere dedication to education and advanced job training, and a laser beam focus that often puts a personal life on the sideline. Invariably, single, successful, career women suddenly find themselves in love, and many times the partner of their dreams is a divorced man with kids.

Becoming an instant stepmom may be the most difficult task a successful career woman will attempt. Although she has earned and enjoyed an accomplished professional life, the intricate demands of step parenting can confuse, frustrate, and generate a lack of confidence in even the most capable career woman. Unlike in professional life, these women are generally unprepared for the pitfalls so common in this new personal relationship dynamic and for the first time, may feel at sea with feelings and challenges that are unexpected and perplexing. In the struggle that can be isolating and self defeating, women pose many questions: What exactly is the role of step mother? Should I be a friend or a disciplinarian? Is it common to feel annoyed about having to share a new husband with insistent kids? What about the ex spouse? How do you deal with money issues? How do I juggle employment, the new marriage, and time for myself and still feel balanced and in control? And will this ever be fun and fulfilling?

Like the capable professionals they are, career women look to experts for guidance but often see nothing but a clutter of parenting and step mom books that don't address their unique and specific needs. Fortunately, a successful career woman who became an instant step mom to three young children has written the book she wished she had available when she began her amazing passage from single, successful industry leader to being a rookie in the bullpen of step mothering.

A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom by Jacquelyn B. Fletcher is the definitive guide that speaks the language and portrays the shared experience of career women. And, as it addresses every important issue about being a step mom, the book blends a real life perspective, a positive attitude, and a realistic approach that focuses on solutions, never on defeat or negative compromise. This best-selling book is based on her own experiences and important contributions from experts in the field: adult step children, and other respected career women turned step mothers. Jacquelyn writes with understanding, compassion, and business-like clarity.

The recurring premise is the utilization of practical assets from a successful professional life in the new role of step mothering. Jacquelyn focuses on organization, goal setting, negotiation, dealing with difficult co workers, delaying gratification for long term success, networking, problem solving, creative brainstorming and team building. Each chapter begins with a Career Girl's Personal Assistant note that highlights specific challenges and opportunities and helps outline the strategy for reaching the goals around each issue presented--just like in the professional realm. Every chapter concludes with Discussion Topics for Two that essentially form the structure for action steps that will make the biggest difference in creating a happy healthy blended family where everyone feels loved, valued, connected, and hopeful. This could describe "The Payoff" which Jacquelyn discusses in the last chapter.

One of the most powerful concepts in the book is comparing a new job to the new family. In a new job, "you must learn the culture before you can be effective". The learning curve is steep and it's vital to spend time, to develop new relationships, to ask questions, to understand the dynamics of the company, and in return, disclose information about yourself so the new co-workers can get acquainted with you and trust you. The fundamental professional skills of listening and learning are equally important in a family as in a company.

Reading the book is one method to learn more about Jacquelyn's business-based strategies for a successful step mothering role. If you would like to speak to Jacquelyn directly, join Emily Bouchard on January 15, 2009 when she will interview Jacquelyn as part of www.blended-families.com "Ask the Expert" series. Submit your most pressing question and join the conversation.

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Sheena Berg, a step parenting coach, writes for the FREE StepHeroes step parenting newsletter. Your heart been burned too often by your stepfamily? Read about our low-cost heart-burn relief: blended family coaching) WEB MASTERS: Using this article requires links to remain in place.

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