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How To Like Oral Sex

Cunnilingus and fellatio - two words that certainly are a bit of a challenge!

OK, OK, forgive the pun. It's doubtless only a jest if you're receiving normal oral sex. And how many people do? Perhaps less than you think. One of my oldest contacts once confided to me that he couldn't convince his partner to go down on him - to give him fellatio. And was he ever getting the option to go down on her? No way - she made that absolute from the start of their relationship.

He was desperately unhappy about it, in part because he knew how good it feels, but also because he knew how much wonderful pleasure she would get if she let him try it on her. But she seemed to be fixed in the idea that the genitals were "dirty", and nothing would induce her to let a lover's lips anyplace near them. Ironically, did she but know it, the healthy female vagina is an extremely bacteria-free place - much cleaner than the mouth in terms of bacteria are concerned.

Most men know exactly just how pleasurable it is to obtain oral sex, though many have told me they like offering it to a woman almost as much. But women might be more averse to give oral sex than to receive it. If you're a man in this position, what's to be done? Many of the web sites on this theme are not printed in a female-friendly way, and could clearly be off-putting rather than encouraging if you were to introduce a unwilling partner to them. But if a woman is averse to perform fellatio when you want her to, anything more than gentle persuasion could grow into a big relationship problem.

In the end, you might have to consider what is more important to you. And guys, let's have a bit of sensitivity over this: it is every partner's right to say "No" to sexual activites which they find unappealing.

But it's also important to get to the root of a woman's anxiety about oral sex: is it that she might suffocate? Or that you might ejaculate in her mouth? These fears are understandable: semen might not taste as good as you think, and it can indeed absorb the flavor of what you've lately eaten, especially spices (e.g. curry) and beer. Worst of all, so I am told, is asparagus.

Of course if you can't get your female partner to give you fellatio, it's a disappointment, and it may suggest some fairly extreme sexual issues. Perhaps she believes sex itself is "dirty", and good girls don't do that kind of thing. Maybe her stance would change if you spent some time giving her oral sexual pleasure? If this doesn't work, or if she doesn't want you to do it to her, then talking about it may help to resolve the underlying issues.

The saddest thing of all is that cunnilingus (the use of the partner's tongue, lips and mouth on a woman's sexual organs) seems to be one way in which most women can attain orgasm fairly clearly. A survey by Men's Health magazine disclosed that oral sex by men for women was "one of the most desired and exciting sexual activities that a man could perform for a woman; over and over again, the women said how much they loved it." It also has been ranked as the most satisfying action a man can do for a woman. In another survey 81% of women said that they could come to orgasm through oral sex.

It stands to reason, because I can't think of anything at all more exciting right now than the scent and taste of a vagina. So close to their lover, most men will become highly aroused, and their better energy and enthusiasm will feed their lover's feeling of being loved and wanted: it's very flattering for a woman to know that she turns her partner on so profoundly. Furthermore, there is a profound significance in the act of "going down" on a woman - something to do with her being honored, something that says how she is respected and loved.

We're still driven at some extreme level by our animal line, and even though I understand for some men and women that the "animalistic" aspects of sex can be a bit off-putting, possibly we should just give permission to ourselves to react to our basic desires and enjoy the purely stimulating sights and scents of a partner's intimate regions.

But if the smell and taste of your partner's genitals truly does bother you, then why not work a welcoming} bath and massage session into your lovemaking? And of course this particular problem cuts both ways, for men sometimes need to guarantee their hygiene is up to scratch.

The best way to find out how to give oral pleasure to a woman is to listen to what your partner says she wants. But you can make a good start by reading a fantastic account of how to do oral sex on a web-site that contains a complete description of cunnilingus, printed sensitively and imaginatively for men: http://www.my-penis.org/

One last point - there is a small number of men who find the idea of orally pleasuring their partners an uncomfortable one. So try this picture: in ancient Chinese art, a woman's genitals are regularly depicted as a peony flower. And if you take a smell of a peony, your face is engulfed in a immense, aromatic bulk of pink petals. Delicious!