I need a life!

By: The Mad Grandma

I am 48 and wondering what happened, how do I get my life back. Or perhaps I could ask the question, how do I get a life? I look around me and there is nothing here, nothing that symbolizes who I am, or even that I was here for the past 30 years.
I spent years and years raising these kids, making meals, cleaning house, running errands, paying bills, working, and going crazy trying to help them all get a life. We they seem to have gotten lives of their own, kids of their own, jobs.
In fact they've done so well, that they don't need me, and they don't even need me around. In fact now all I hear is how I am not a good enough grandma. Hmmm...well I certainly don't know what they expect from me as a grandma, but one thing I do know is that I am really really tired of worrying about their needs.
I NEED A LIFE! I need some friends, and some relationships that do not involve meeting my kids' expectations any longer. I am the mad grandma! I gave the past thirty years away to them, and I am not really willing to do another thirty of ignoring my own needs and desires. Nope, sorry, not going to do it!
I have been secretly considering moving away, to another country and simply completely vanishing. Taking me on a wild adventure far away from this so called life I really feel little connection to and getting a life. A new life where I have sunshine and warm weather. I was thinking that there must be other grandmas out there who have hit the road of adventure never to look back or second guess their decision. I might find a colony of other grandmas who are laughing and playing cards somewhere. Knitting sweaters for someone else' kid who love and appreciate them. Shit there is probably a grandma who is out there knitting sweaters for my kids...maybe that is why they don't think I do enough...look someone else knitted them a sweater. Since I really can't knit, of course I am not as good of a grandma as that one over there. Oops, lets erase that fantasy...
I am tired of the expectations placed on me. I so can't meet them, that I gave up trying. Why bother and risk my efforts in not being good enough. Better time spent dreaming a new fantasy, a new place to escape to.
Yeah, a nice cool drink on the beach in Tahiti sounds like a dream come true...maybe I can become a writer and reinvent myself as a hot sexy lady who has never had any children, only hot mad wild sexy lovers who have lavished gifts and their love all over me for the past 30 years. Been all over the world, eaten expensive foods and traveled to the most spectacular islands and stayed in glamorous spas all over the country. Yes I could reinvent myself and have hot hot male servants waiting in line to rub some sweet oils all over my body. Whispering sweet hot words in my ear, and telling me what a fabulous queen I am, and begging for me to give them yet another request to fulfill. Ahhh, yes it is time for this grandma to step into a new exciting adventure!

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