Many Adults Don't Realize How Much Their Divorce Affects Their Children

By: David A. Walker

Approximately 10% of kids in households today go through some kind of psychological problem warranting a therapist or psychologist. In children of divorced parents, the figure goes up to thirty or forty percent.

A divorce can have traumatic psychological effects on a kid. Unfortunately, a lot of parents fail to realize this. This is partially due to the fact that they may be experiencing anger and hurt themselves and are simply emotionally unable to empathize with their child's feelings. But al too often it's that the parents don't realize just how deeply the divorce is impacting their kid.

One trend that is helping to ease this problem is the amount of divorce instruction programs shooting up in many states across the country. At present the number of these programs stands at over a thousand. Some of the programs are available on line as well.

Generally these programs center on the following primary issues:

1) Working to eliminate or reduce parental fighting in front of the children - When a kid sees his mother and father constantly fighting, it causes feelings of stress and anxiety in them. But, even more important, you are teaching them how to act in relationships. Kids are like sponges, they absorb and assimilate the things that they see, especially from their parents. By arguing and battling front of your kids you are telling and showing them that this is the way that adults resolve their differences. A divorce education program can show you a better way of taking care of conflicts.

2) Don't use the kids as pawns - Your children are not bargaining chips to be used in dissensions with your spouse in order to win fights or to get your way. It can be easy to forget this, particularly if you have self esteem issues yourself. Whether the issue is parental custody, child support, visitation privileges, or something else - never treat your children like chess pieces. Unless you wish them to grow up with large emotional and psychological issues.

3) Don't try to turn the child against a parent - Often, one of the parents will try to prevent the other parent from seeing or being with the kid. Most likely it's a ill-conceived endeavor to "punish" the other parent. On the other hand, it may simply be a matter of insecurity where one parent is afraid to give up control. But, unless there's some fundamental issue why one parent shouldn't not see the child, such as previous child maltreatment, this doesn't do the child any good. In order to have the best chance of developing into a well adjusted adult, kids need a sound relationship with both of their parents.

4) Remember always that the welfare of the child is paramount - We all know that going through a divorce is not easy. But it's not all about the you, the parents. A divorce impacts everybody in the family - kids and parents both. If you just keep that fact in mind, the transition will be much easier for the kids. In addition, this will often help the parent's relationship also. Keeping the welfare of your kids at the forefront of your mind, makes the whole divorce and after divorce more civil.

For those that are greatly concerned with their child's welfare and would like to do all they can to protect them after the divorce, divorce education programs can do that and more. Think about joining one today, if you haven't already.

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David Walker is webmaster and owner of www.onlinedivorcetips.com. To learn more about his divorce secrets for men and other divorcee related topics, please visit his website.

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