Sometimes You Just Need A Good Laugh

By: Aazdak Alisimo

They say life tends to balance out, but some days can really seem to take the wind out of your sails. If you find yourself stressed out or taking life way to seriously, a good laugh can make all the difference so read on my friend.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. - Matt Lauer

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. - Garry Shandling

If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it. - Anonymous

Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. - Paris Hilton

I've been married five times, and people think that's some bizarre thing, yet I've got buddies who refuse to get married and are intimate with 15 people a week. I'm like, Which is better? At least I was trying. - Billy Bob Thornton

I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? - Zsa Zsa Gabor

My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker. - Dan Rather

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea. - Jon Stewart

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. - Bill Cosby

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them. - Terry Pratchett

Irish Coffee is the perfect breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol. - Anonymous

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Aazdak Alisimo likes a good laugh just like anyone else, particularly funny quotes updated each and every day at FunnyQuotesDaily.com.

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